Tourism
Absurdities of modern flying, and do we really need to be shown how to fasten a seat belt?
PHOTO: Groovy air-hostesses from the late 1960s when flying was more glamourous. “Now everyone can fly” and that’s brought us to where we are now.
There used to be a time when flying was a pleasure, an expensive pleasure. The passengers were part of the ‘jet-set’, and they could smoke cigarettes and sit in wide, comfortable seats. They would dress up because it was ’special’.
It’s no longer special. In fact it’s really much of a drudge these days as the modern airline travel is more like sitting in a thin aluminium flying bus, than a magical flying machine. The pleasure has gone, the fares have dropped dramatically and now ‘everyone can fly’. It’s become a business and you are merely an entry on the account ledger.
Security and queues are now just a fact of life for the modern traveller. Urrggghhh.
But some of the conventions of modern flying are just plain silly.
Priority boarding
When you book your flight you either get to choose your seat or have one allocated for you when you check in at the airport. No matter if you get on board first or last, you’ll be sitting in the seat allocated to you.
At some airports, and especially with some of the low-cost airlines, you may end up with a short bus trip to your aircraft as the airline chooses not to pay for an air-bridge or traffic at the terminal means there are no gates left at the time. Either way, the bus trip is a real turkey-shoot as to which order you’ll arrive at the actual plane. If you’re not in the first bus you’re not going to be first on the plane. Yes, a priority boarding seat may allow you to get onto the plane first – whoopy doo! You’ll arrive at your destination at exactly the same time.
Of course priority seating often comes as a perk for a more expensive fares along with other nice add-ons which some fliers prefer.
But, some airlines proudly offer this ‘service’ as a one-off benefit, for a price. And people pay for it. Go figure.
Fastening your seat belt
Really? You need to be shown how to fasten a seat belt. You’ve navigated your way through seventeen cheap airline websites and been able to figure out a credit card payment, AND found your way to the airport. But you don’t know how to snap a seatbelt in place?
Flight attendants must wince every time they hold the demo-belt above their head and ‘snap’ the two pieces into place during the safety demonstration.
What did you do in the car on the way to the airport? Stare at that think hanging on the seat and the buckle tucked away on the other side and wondered what they do?
Mobile phones
“Please ensure that you’re mobile phone is switched off.”
Since mobile phones became a thing airlines and aircraft manufacturers have been trying to reconcile if the mobile phone signal can do anything to disturb the workings of the electronic and communication systems on the airplanes.
IF there was any possible reason that, indeed, the operation of your phone and the signals it emits could do ANYTHING to affect the workings of the aircraft, you would have them confiscated at the gate and that’s that!
As it is, when asked to turn the phones off, many don’t. Me, I’ve often just forgotten to turn it off and realised it was on all the time sitting in the bottom of my bag. The plane still managed to arrive at its destination.
Of course you should always comply with the instructions of the well-trained cabin attendants in their spiffy uniforms. I suspect there’ll be a day when turning off your mobile phone will be a thing of the past.
Safety demonstrations
The compulsory aircraft safety demonstration is little changed over the centuries. Some airlines have tried to sex it up a bit recently with celebrity video versions. The idea here is to get you to laugh whilst being bored sideways, instead of just being bored.
The bottomline is that the VAST majority of passengers will never need to know any of this information. And if the air masks drop from the locker above that will usually mean there is some sort of severe turbulence or cabin depressurisation whereby not a single person will be casually reaching for the mask and wondering if the bag is inflating or not. You’ll likely be just another of the screaming, terrified passengers shitting themselves.
Ditto for making sure I have the “tab safely secured around my waist” if I need to put on a life jacket. As for the whistle to ‘get attention’, I’ll be blowing on that bit of plastic LOUD AND CLEAR.
80s TV fitness guru Richard Simmons made a comeback for Air New Zealand hosting their safety demonstration.
Duty free
Has anyone ever bought anything at an airport duty free store, for less than you can get it outside the airport or online? If so, tell us what it was and which airport so we can witness the miracle first hand.
Certainly in Thailand, Duty Free is a cynical scam that nets the AoT (Airports of Thailand) billions of baht in profits every year. And not much less for the airport vendors, King Power. Guess who’s getting the good deal? It isn’t the passenger.
Airline food
No one ever flew on a plane because of the food. No one. There was a time, a LONG time ago, when your meal actually came on a plate with a stainless steel knife and fork. Those days are long gone (unless you’re up the pointy end of the plane) and now we have to put up with a stale sandwich, a piece of cake or nothing at all. If you fly on many of the discount airlines they actually have a menu and you can choose what you want, or don’t want, to eat (which I prefer).
Or take your own. Many airlines frown on people taking their own sandwich but I’m yet to hear of a passenger thrown out of the plane for this transgression.
Seat width
If you’re sitting on any of the single-aisle smaller jets like the Boeing 737 or Airbus A320, the workhorses of all airlines for short-haul routes, then you are going to be sitting in almost the same seat, no matter what the airline. Of course, if you’re flying business or premium, or sitting in the front or an exit row, you will have more leg room.
Some of the larger planes have ‘slightly’ wider seats and the new Airbus 220 aircraft actually DOES have wider seats. But most of the time you’re packed in the same sardine can on the same seat.
Airlines are run by accountants and the bottomline means packing in as many seats as possible. There may be an inch here or a centimetre there, but the seats in economy are going to be much of a muchness. As far as the width of your seat is concerned, in the B737 and A320s, they are all exactly the same because the planes are the same width and there are six seats across. No fancy maths will make your seat any wider, no matter what the airlines tell you, or how you ‘feel’. You’re sitting in much the same seat, get over it.
Arrival
The plane has come to a stop. Quick, stand up immediately and open the overhead lockers.
And then wait for 5 minutes whilst the air bridge is brought across to the plane and the crew go through the process of opening the doors.
Apparently, you MUST stand up as soon as the plane comes to a stop at the arrival gate. Suddenly there are 100-200 people all standing up in the aisle. Waiting.
Why?
Perhaps it is a good idea to just wait until people forward of you have gotten off the plane then, when your turn comes, get up, grab your bag, and walk off the plane.
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The new wave of Covid-19, infecting more than 30,000 people over the past month, set back travel plans for Thailand Elite Card members. The company that operates the card services, Thailand Privilege Card, is now banking on the Phuket sandbox model to draw in cardholders. The travel scheme, which is planned to start in July as long as Phuket vaccinates 70% of the population to reach herd immunity, would allow vaccinated travellers from overseas to enter the island province without undergoing quarantine.
The company’s president, Somchai Soongswang, says a waived quarantine period in a destination where Covid-19 is under control is a deciding factor for cardholders when making travel plans.
“No quarantine, like the Phuket sandbox concept, and containing the virus are key factors to help existing members finalise their decision to visit Thailand.”
Since the Thailand Elite Members Quarantine Programme approved by the Centre for Covid-19 Situation Administration back in August, just over 1,000 cardholders have travelled to Thailand. Another 1,500 members say they want to visit, but they are waiting for documents to be processed, flights to be available, or for a vaccine against Covid-19 before travelling.
Some were planning on travelling to Thailand, and already had their Certificate of Entry, a requirement for entering Thailand, but cancelled plans due to the recent wave of Covid-19 this month which is hitting record highs.
The new wave of cases even led a potential cardholder to delay their decision to buy a property in Thailand, according to Somchai. The company offers an Elite Flexible One membership for 500,000 baht, allowing a 5 year, multiple entry visa for those who buy property in Thailand for 10 million baht or more.
There are more than 13,500 Elite cardholders. Most of the younger members are so-called “digital nomads” from Japan, the United States, and Europe, who work remotely as either programmers or software engineers.
The company has approved a significant number of new members in the past few months. From October 2020 to March 2021, the company approved 2,552 new members, a large increase from the same period last fiscal year at 1,322 new members. Half of the new members are between the ages of 30 and 49 while the retirement age group made up 23.7% of new members.
Despite the rise in Covid-19 cases affecting travel plans, Somchai says the company hopes to hit 2,600 new members by April.
SOURCE: Bangkok Post
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“One night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain’t free”
When ‘One Night In Bangkok’ was released in 1984 it was an unlikely hit. It was the opening song from a (at the time) little-known stage pop-opera called ‘Chess’. The song made Number 1 in South Africa, West Germany, Switzerland and Australia, and Number 3 in Canada and the US. It has remained a staple of Classic 80s Hit radio ever since. Have a listen (below).
The musical was the first outing for the two ‘Bs’ in ABBA – Benny Andersson and Bjoern Ulvaeus. Their pop grooves had made ABBA one of the most famous music groups in the world between 1973 and 1982 with a string of hits including 20 singles in the Billboard Top 100 from 8 albums, etc, etc. The lyrics of the song were penned by Tim Rice (Jesus Christ Superstar, Evita, Joseph and his amazing technicolour dreamcoat, Aladdin, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast).
In the opening song of ‘Chess’, the American chess champion Freddie Trumper gets ready for a chess game with his Russian counterpart. He ridicules Bangkok’s ‘pleasures’ and tourist attractions – the Chao Phraya River (“muddy old river”), Wat Pho (“reclining Buddha”), and the red-light distractions. The choruses are more complimentary about Bangkok’s well-documented excesses.
Thailand’s ladyboys feature too… “You’ll find a god in every golden cloister, And if you’re lucky then the god’s a she“. And the famous Oriental Hotel (these days a little less ‘oriental’) is mentioned where girls are “set up in the Somerset Maugham suite“. But the singer says he isn’t interested… “I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.”
At the time the sarcasm of the song didn’t go down well with the Thai Mass Communications Organisation (now the NBTC) issuing a ban on the song in 1985, saying its lyrics “cause misunderstanding about Thai society and show disrespect towards Buddhism”, a line still trotted out when Instagrammers and vloggers shoot in front of Thai temples dressed in a flimsy singlets and short shorts.
37 years later the song still paints a picture of a contrasting ‘oriental’ city alive with lights (including red lights), colour, pungent smells, culture and a vivid history.
We’re not sure if the ban was ever lifted but I hear the song played on Thai stations from time to time. At the time, when Bangkok was less on the tourist map than now, the song was a lone reference point for westerners.
How does it stand up 37 years after becoming a world-wide hit? Leave your comments below..
One Night In Bangkok
Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don’t know that the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world
In a show with everything but Yul Brynner (referring to the actor’s starring role as the King of Siam in ‘The King and I’)
Time flies, doesn’t seem a minute
Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it
All change don’t you know that when you
Play at this level there’s no ordinary venue
It’s Iceland or the Philippines or Hastings or,
Or this place!
One night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain’t free
You’ll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you’re lucky then the god’s a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
One town’s very like another
When your head’s down over your pieces, brother
It’s a drag, it’s a bore, it’s really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city
Whaddya mean?
Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town
Tea, girls, warm, sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite
Get thai’d, you’re talking to a tourist
Whose every move’s among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me
Siam’s gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
This grips me more than would a
Muddy old river or reclining Buddha
And thank God I’m only watching the game… controlling it
I don’t see you guys rating
The kind of mate I’m contemplating
I’d let you watch, I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you
So you better go back to your bars, your temples
Your massage parlours
One night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain’t free
You’ll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me
Songwriters: Tim Rice / Benny Goran Bror Andersson / Bjoern K. Ulvaeus
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Plans to create a new national airline to replace the struggling Thai Airways are meeting oppositions from the employee union. The union insists that Thai Airways is a known brand worldwide and has contributed significantly to the economy of Thailand and deserves aid and rehabilitation.
In the past, Thailand’s flagship international airline spent years as a state-owned property until the Thai Ministry of Finance reduced it’s majority stake to only 47% in 2020. The Finance Minister says that they are not discussing taking over Thai Airways as a government-owned carrier again. So the future of the airline will depend on the current long list of creditors.
Formed in cooperation with Scandinavian Airlines in 1960 to create Thailand’s first international airline, The government eventually bought out SAS. But now the Finance Ministry reduced their ownership in order to make Thai Airways eligible for debt rehabilitation. The airline is now seeking assistance through the Central Bankruptcy Court to help with the over 300 billion baht of debt the airline is currently holding.
The workers union has been pushing the government not to give up on the distressed airline, and to support debt-restructuring in hopes that Thai Airways can surge back after Covid-19 stronger than ever. The union argues that while the industry outlook is still bleak during the pandemic, the airline can still cut operating costs, streamline operations, and focus on profit-generating sectors of the business. Ground services, cargo logistics, and aircraft repair can still generate revenue and help Thai Airways fight to stay afloat.
The union argues that pulling the plug on Thai Airways and forming a new national airline would be counterproductive as the airline industry during the pandemic would not allow a new company to thrive.
The International Air Transport Association has predicted a global loss of about 1.47 trillion baht (US $47.7 billion) for the airline industry this year. This is actually an improvement over last year’s losses of nearly 4 trillion baht (US $126.4 billion) at the global peak of Covid-19 lockdowns. While an estimated 2.4 billion people are expected to fly this year, with government travel restrictions and tight border controls, a further US $81 billion in losses are still predicted for the airline industry.
SOURCE: Bangkok Post
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