License to own unicorn issued by LA animal care authority

Los Angeles animal control authorities have apparently been smoking something pretty strong, or are suffering from a massive lack of anything useful to do. A California girl named Madeline has been issued with a license to own a unicorn — if she can find one.

The first permit of its kind came with strings attached – though judicious use of LSD does not seem to be included in the provisions.

According to the LA county Department of Animal Care and Control – self-described as leading the nation in protecting people and animals through compassionate care, community education, proactive intervention, and effective enforcement – the mythical creature must be provided ample exposure to sunlight, moonbeams and rainbows and have its horn polished at least once a month with a soft cloth.

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A semi-mythical idiot was recently spotted working as director of the LA county Department of Animal Care and Control.

Director of the department Marcia Mayeda sent the girl a heart-shaped, rose-coloured metal tag with “Permanent Unicorn License” emblazoned on it, along with a white fuzzy unicorn doll with pink ears, purple hooves and a silver horn.

The department’s response came after the girl wrote a brief letter last month. It said…

“Dear LA County, I would like your approval if I can have a unicorn in my backyard if I can find one.”

Mayeda commended the girl for her “sense of responsible pet ownership to seek permission in advance” and for thoughtfully considering “the requirements of providing a loving home to animals.”

The agency posted images of the correspondence, the license, the medallion and the stuffed toy on its social media accounts, with the girl’s last name obscured.

Its five conditions for unicorn ownership also require that any sparkles or glitter sprinkled on the animal be nontoxic and biodegradable and that it be fed watermelon at least once a week.

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Jon Whitman

Jon Whitman is a seasoned journalist and author who has been living and working in Asia for more than two decades. Born and raised in Glasgow, Scotland, Jon has been at the forefront of some of the most important stories coming out of China in the past decade. After a long and successful career in East sia, Jon is now semi-retired and living in the Outer Hebrides. He continues to write and is an avid traveller and photographer, documenting his experiences across the world.