PHUKET NIPPLE ALERT: Staying abreast of nude on our beaches

PHUKET: NIPPLE-wielding beach lovers take note: You could find yourself spending a night in jail instead of getting that all-body tan if you break the law.

Ignorance when it comes to nudism in Phuket, through my peepers, seems to be on the rise.

Perked and sagging, jiggling and swinging – more and more Western boobs are turning heads on our beaches this high season.

Prudish as it may sound, Western ladies – and men in some cases – should be a tad more sensitive to the culture we live in. Exposure of one’s privates in public is definitely frowned upon here.

Lessons can be learned from one love-struck Thai woman who whipped off all her clothes and ran down Soi Bangla after her fiancée proposed to her last year. She was
arrested and fined.

Exciting as her 100-yard birthday-suit dash must have been, the fine and next morning’s wake-up call would have been a sobering reminder that nude is rude in Thailand.

Swinging your best bits around like it’s Woodstock ’69 won’t cut it here with the law – beach or no beach.

Observing the steady rise of pseudo-nudism (hogans out) over the past few years, I can’t help but think it’s getting out of hand.

Unimaginable was one such incident on Phi Phi, as our party ambled along the busy side streets en route to the ferry pier.

Loitering next to a male food vendor were two brunette 20-somethings, wearing only bikini bottoms and sandals, casually conversing with the man.

Delight was smeared across the faces of the teenagers milling around out of earshot behind the brunettes, but there were plenty of furrowed brows around from other stall owners showing their disapproval of the hooters menacing them.

Before the young ladies could buy their fruit, an elderly Thai woman from the next stall waded in and spat out her disapproval, handing the nimble temptresses a dirty old
sarong for cover.

Eager not to upset the already hostile elderly woman, the ladies covered up and scampered off, no doubt to the beach to strip off again.

Crikey, I thought, some people just don’t get it.

— Blair Christopher