Buffalo to face beach fees, gas tax

PHUKET: Pissit Raknamkwei, chief of the Phuket Buffalo Authority (PBA), announced this morning that all bovines in the province must obtain a Beach Use Permit (BUP) from his office no later than April 7. Those failing to do so will be “refrigerated”, he said. It was only the first setback of the month for the island’s water buffalo. The real blow will occur on April 9 with the arrival of a PHART (the stiff new “Phuket hoof and roaming tax”). “The PHART may actually be a relief for some, and the BUP is no big deal,” said Pissit. “Issuance of BUPs is easy. All we need is the animal’s hoofprints, front and rear, or front OR rear, or both; dental records; a ‘recent’ dung sample; and a valid swimming certificate, which is issued free of charge [sometimes] by the nearest village council. “For any foreign buffalo, of course, we’ll also need visas, work permits, diplomas, lease agreements, photos, and such other documents as may be required from time to time to satisfy whatever additional departments might wish to get into the act. “Oh, and by the way,” added the PBA chief — “Happy April Fools’ Day.”