Calling all Poets!

[King Cotton]

 

The Frolicsome Kick of the Limerick, as pioneered by Edward Lear and others

 Anyone feeling that creative urge to write poetry like those crazy dudes, who for centuries have kept the Limerick river flowing?

Like the tried and tested favourites that somehow I’ve remembered for over 60 years . . .

 

There was a young lady from Tottenham,

Who’d no manners, unless she’d forgotten ‘em,

At tea at the vicars,

She tore off her knickers,

Because, she explained, she felt hot in ‘em.

 

There once was a man from Montrose,

Who’d no pockets in all of his clothes,

When asked by his lass

Where he carried his brass,

He said “Darling, I pay through the nose.”

 

Or the utterly nonsensical ones like this old favourite . . .

There once was a man from Dunoon,

Who always ate soup with a fork.

He said "Since I eat

Neither fish, fowl nor flesh,

I should finish my dinner too quick."

 

Here’s my rework: just as silly but with a nice hubby & wife twist

There was a young man from Dunoon,

Who always ate soup with a fork,

When asked by his wife

If he might try a knife,

He said “Darling, don’t be so absurd.”

 

And, for when the Limerick meter grows tedious, anything goes . . .

I always eat peas with honey,

I’ve done it all my life,

They do taste kind of funny,

But it keeps them on the knife.

 

Anyone feeling the urge to be just as frolicsome as Edward Lear and his pals?

Whilst there are countless Limericks on Google, I'm looking for members' original creations and who knows . . . there may be a BAFTA-like award up for grabs . . . the TTALW award in our case!

Nonsense, innuendo or just sublime poetry . . . anything goes as long as it’s not too rude!

 

 

[NCC1701A]

i could be a poet and don't know it. 

[King Cotton]

27 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

i could be a poet and don't know it. 

Thanks, @NCC1701A. I know it but it would be heartless to tell you 

[Vince]

On 10/5/2021 at 8:38 PM, King Cotton said:

The Frolicsome Kick of the Limerick, as pioneered by Edward Lear and others

 Anyone feeling that creative urge to write poetry like those crazy dudes, who for centuries have kept the Limerick river flowing?

Like the tried and tested favourites that somehow I’ve remembered for over 60 years . . .

 

There was a young lady from Tottenham,

Who’d no manners, unless she’d forgotten ‘em,

At tea at the vicars,

She tore off her knickers,

Because, she explained, she felt hot in ‘em.

 

There once was a man from Montrose,

Who’d no pockets in all of his clothes,

When asked by his lass

Where he carried his brass,

He said “Darling, I pay through the nose.”

 

Or the utterly nonsensical ones like this old favourite . . .

There once was a man from Dunoon,

Who always ate soup with a fork.

He said "Since I eat

Neither fish, fowl nor flesh,

I should finish my dinner too quick."

 

Here’s my rework: just as silly but with a nice hubby & wife twist

There was a young man from Dunoon,

Who always ate soup with a fork,

When asked by his wife

If he might try a knife,

He said “Darling, don’t be so absurd.”

 

And, for when the Limerick meter grows tedious, anything goes . . .

I always eat peas with honey,

I’ve done it all my life,

They do taste kind of funny,

But it keeps them on the knife.

 

Anyone feeling the urge to be just as frolicsome as Edward Lear and his pals?

Whilst there are countless Limericks on Google, I'm looking for members' original creations and who knows . . . there may be a BAFTA-like award up for grabs . . . the TTALW award in our case!

Nonsense, innuendo or just sublime poetry . . . anything goes as long as it’s not too rude!

 

 

 

There once was man from Bangkok
On Thiagher forums he posted no schlock
He said with a grin
While out in Hua Hin
There are things you should just not mock.

[Vince]

Thailand's taxis are crooked , all
Bold prices they ask, with shameless gall
At the meter don't look
While your money is took
The fare is always big, never small

[Vince]

A weed sandbox thailand will hold
The smoking of bud won't get old
While holding smoke in
All will enjoy some green sin
With some Acapulco Gold

[Vince]

Thailand is a racist retreat
With corruption under your feet
The locals pay a price
Which foreigners pay twice
While the young daughters you happily greet. 

[OOber]

 

There once was a man with no wit

who made of himself quite a tit

his jokes were lame

he had absolutely no game

so let's just call him a Brit

 

[Vince]

@Poolie was China's best friend
For him the daily worker they did send
uncle xi would say
If you're going my way
My mistakes can you please defend?

[Saltire]

There was a young lass from Tokyo
Whose boyfriend resembled Pinochio
Whenever he lied
She would instantly hide
As it wasn’t his nose that would grow.

Edited January 26 by Saltire

[OOber]

There once was a fellow named  @Vince 

whose words he would never mince

the keyboard struck with might

although his limericks were shite

now I ran out of interesting facts about  @Vince 

[Vince]

Smiling pretty women you will meet
And gladly you declare your defeat
With kisses galore
You want a bit more
Until true love is found at your feet

[Vince]

A man named @OOber was sick
His rhymes he wrote out real quick
The girlies didnt hanker
After this sorry wanker
Cuz he had a real short ... wick

[Marble-eye]

I heard this rhyme when I was a young boy at school and it implanted poetry into my veins,. so it wasn't all bard then.

There was old man from Leeds 

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

From out of his bum

A geranium sprung

And his balls were covered in weeds.

 

 

 

 

[OOber]

According to  @Vince 

I don't rhyme like Prince

and I don't need a belly

to not see my Willy

at least mine ain't shaped like a quince

[Marble-eye]

On 1/23/2022 at 2:30 AM, Vince said:

There once was man from Bangkok
On Thiagher forums he posted no schlock
He said with a grin
While out in Hua Hin
There are things you should just not mock.

I would stick to quantity rather than quality.

[Vince]

There once was a user named @OOber
For work he shlepped in an Uber
His strength ran out
With nary a shout
With 3+ posts he was obviously a noob'r

[Vince]

@OOber once a Katoey he confused
With a women, he might be amused
With a stiff wooden ... Grin
All over his chin
"Oh joy!" he orgasmically enthused

[OOber]

It's getting tougher

'cause I like it rougher

now do a good job

with my little knob

 @Vince ,be a good fluffer

[Marble-eye]

There was a young chappie named Cotton

Who wrote stanzas that can't be forgotten

 

The verses he wrote

 

Would all get my vote

 

Because he never writes anything rotten

 

 

 

[Saltire]

 

There is a forum called Thaiger
Where some members seem a bit hyper
Perhaps they are drunk
Typing hours of junk
While drooling floods of saliva

 

 

[Faraday]

If only Geronimo came 

With his wit, we'd be put to shame

But sadly he's not 

But I won't forgot 

This rhyme is really quite lame

 

 

[Marble-eye]

6 hours ago, Faraday said:

If only Geronimo came 

With his wit, we'd be put to shame

But sadly he's not 

But I won't forgot 

This rhyme is really quite lame

Faraday drinks wine the Australian way

From a middy he made out of clay

 

He'll drink from morning till night 

 

Untill he loses his sight

 

Then he'll walk with a Ned Kelly sway. G'day.

 

 

[BlueSphinx]

It was in Connecticut in a well that drowned my auntie Eve.

And even years later my uncle drank the water only through a sieve.

By John O'Mill

= = = = =

 

Edited January 27 by Faz
Dutch removed

[Marble-eye]

1 minute ago, BlueSphinx said:

It was in Connecticut in a well that drowned my auntie Eve.

And even years later my uncle drank the water only through a sieve.

By John O'Mill

= = = = =

And here the original in dutch language

In Connecticut
in een waterput
verdronk m'n tante Eefje.

Nog jaren later
dronk mijn oom 't water
uitsluitend door een zeefje.

It does make more sense in Dutch BS.